Post-Observation Meeting Blues

You know that observation I had yesterday? The one where the kids were not their usual calm selves and instead were bouncing off the walls? Well I had my post observation meeting today and it did not go well.

So how this works is three times a year, my supervisor comes into my classroom during a planned time to watch me teach. We meet before the observation and talk about what I want her to focus on while observing. During the observation, she takes notes on what is happening and then we talk about how it went afterwards. My last observation went pretty well, but because I chose a time during AM 4K, it was stressful. The morning class is a tough one. This time, I thought I would take some pressure off of myself and schedule the observation in the afternoon. The afternoon 4K-ers are talkative and silly, but they are easily redirected and except for a couple kids, are pretty mellow. Yesterday, they were everything but mellow. I mean there were kids rolling around on the floor, getting up, laying in random parts of the classroom, blurting out unrelated comments with absolutely no connection, and one girl who has always been kind was hitting a boy in the head repeatedly. It was a weird day.

At the start of the observation meeting, my supervisor asked how I think things went and I was kind of giggling about how crazy the kids were being. She agreed that they were a little nuts and then we moved on to talking about specifics. One of the sections I wanted her to focus on while observing me was classroom management- specifically transitions. I've always been good at transitions and chose this because the other area I wanted her to focus on was making sure I state what the students will learn. I forget to explicitly state what the goal of the lesson is and have been working on it. During this conversation, I needed to rate myself on how did. The ratings are: Unsatisfactory (which to me is like an F), Basic (this is a C in my mind), Satisfactory (a B), and Proficient (an A). Based on what happened during the lesson and what the rubric said, I had to give myself a C in the transition category.

I'm not a C person. Through out elementary, middle, high school, and college, I got some B's with an A average. There were a few C's and D's on small assignments that I didn't put enough effort into, but overall, I was an A and B kind of student. My supervisor talked about how I  could have tried different things to get them engaged. We sang, we danced, we sat criss-cross, we lay on our bellies, we played simon says, we moved around the classroom, I gave compliments, I moved names from the green road to the yellow road, we jumped, we made predictions (they love to make predictions), I waited, we whispered, we talked in silly voices. Some of these things we do a lot and they love, and the novelty of the other things we don't do often is almost always guaranteed to grab their attention. What other things did she want me to do? Oh. A scavenger hunt. (That actually is a fun idea that I will probably try, but it wasn't in the cards that day. I really don't think it would have worked even if I had thought of it.) So now I have a C.

I feel really bummed about it. The only time I get C's is when I don't try my best and that was not the case here. I tried really hard. I want to be awesome at what I do. I know I won't be to the level of awesome that I want to be at for a while- I have lots of learning to do. But a C? Getting a C makes me feel like I'm ruining the start of 32 kids' educations. It makes me feel like I'm not good at what I do. I don't do C work. It's frustrating.

After the meeting, my afternoon class (the one that was observed) came in. They were back to their usual selves today. I wanted to yell "SEE?! Observe me now! My transitions are GREAT!" Good thing I have one more observation to go- everyone better be on their best behavior when ever that happens.

WPR was on my radio on the way home from school. One of the segments was about playing games. I was lost in my thoughts and wasn't really paying attention until I heard the guy on the radio talking about learning from frustration. He said something like, "you can't grow until you have felt very frustrated." It was something good for me to hear. Frustration was a strong feeling today but I'm still growing.

One of my 4Kers handed me this tiny folded up piece of paper and said, " I made this for you. Open it after school."
Even if I get a C in transitions (this time), I know I'm doing some things right :)